Image by Earlham College via FlickrIn two days, I will be graduating with my Bachelor of Arts in English with honors might I add. I feel very privileged to be graduating with such an honor, I don’t want Friday to come. I don’t because that will mean an end to my undergraduate career. I know, I should be looking forward to the future with working and graduate school–I’m petrified. I don’t want to leave the safety of my undergrad umbrella. I’m scared. Due to this utter fear, I haven’t sent out any resumes or applications. I know that is what I should be doing. Pounding the pavement, dredging up whatever I can to pay back my loans and support by boys. I can’t. Instead, I have sat on this sofa for two days wallowing in self pity. First, it was due to the fact, I had nothing to push forward to. No homework deadlines. No professors pushing me. Nothing. I was lost that first day. I was miserable. I still feel like that. That was followed by “what now?” I decided it would best for me to take a year off to figure out exactly what I want to do. Do I want to go to grad school? If so, for what? English? Student Affairs in Higher Education? Writing? Or do I just want to get a job to support my family? I don’t know (I will need to work in some form to pay the bills). I feel deadlocked. To make matters worse, I spent my entire weekend, last week revising a paper only to get a C. Hell, I shouldn’t have revised it so much. I should have left it as the block style instead of the integration form I went with. I’m mad at myself for that. I should be celebrating how great it is to be completing my degree. Instead, I’m moping.
I’m sure it doesn’t help that my mother’s side of the family and my father’s are bickering about whether they have to sit together. I want to scream at them and say “GET OVER YOURSELF!! THIS IS MY GRADUATION. AND YOU’RE RUINING IT!” They are why I’m not having a party. I’m also a bit upset because I have won a bunch of awards lately but to them it’s not enough or it’s no big deal. HELLO! It is a big deal when only one person gets this award a year. It’s a big freakin deal! Right now, everyone sucks.
To top it all off, I’m bored. Yeah, I have housework to do and resume stuff. Do I do it? Nah. Instead, I waste my time on Facebook. Why? Well why not? Ok, I did get 97% of the laundry done. But my butt hasn’t made it to the kitchen yet to clean. I must get that done today or well it’s just not sanitary otherwise. No matter how lazy I am….dishes always get done.
I’m sure it doesn’t help that my mother’s side of the family and my father’s are bickering about whether they have to sit together. I want to scream at them and say “GET OVER YOURSELF!! THIS IS MY GRADUATION. AND YOU’RE RUINING IT!” They are why I’m not having a party. I’m also a bit upset because I have won a bunch of awards lately but to them it’s not enough or it’s no big deal. HELLO! It is a big deal when only one person gets this award a year. It’s a big freakin deal! Right now, everyone sucks.
To top it all off, I’m bored. Yeah, I have housework to do and resume stuff. Do I do it? Nah. Instead, I waste my time on Facebook. Why? Well why not? Ok, I did get 97% of the laundry done. But my butt hasn’t made it to the kitchen yet to clean. I must get that done today or well it’s just not sanitary otherwise. No matter how lazy I am….dishes always get done.
Randa Knight 